I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
