Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
