I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize