Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
