she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
