I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
