if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
