i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize