The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
