Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
