I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
