i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
as a side note pls kill me
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
