I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
