My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize