Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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