this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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