Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
