yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
