Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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