It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
