You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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