Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
