I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
only if we run a train.
done.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
