I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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