Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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