Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
