Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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