just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
