Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
