what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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