What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
