Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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