I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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