Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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