Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
