My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize