I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
