I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
