very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
