Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize