I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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