it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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