she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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