I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
