I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize