so explain again why im purple
no
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
