I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
