Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
