Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
