I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
