i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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