I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
