she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize