We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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