I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It was confusing and full of hummus
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
