guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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