i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
