Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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