Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
