i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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