went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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