mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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