pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I cut my penus on the lid.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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