Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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