I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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