ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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